Today I woke and stirred, in my bed,
Thinking about the long day ahead.
The same routine,
To tidy, to clean.
The endless persuading the kids,
Trying not to scream.
Instead coercing, bribing and begging,
Not knowing where each conversation was heading.
I lay here thinking, I can’t get going,
It’s all the same, no newness is showing.
I tell myself there’s jobs to do,
The smallest of things to show, to prove.
Life is here, that’s grounding enough
But still it feels so damn tough.
There’s a point to all this, there’s a hope to acknowledge,
Search and search but the covers, jail and abolish.
Get up and try, make a start,
I pull myself up, with heavy heart.
Try to dampen the anger inside,
As my clear away before bed has transformed overnight
To chaos and carnage of kids seeking treats,
Whilst hubby and me were slumbered in sleep.
Why is it so hard to clear stuff away?
Do I not try to teach them day after day?
It’s not a hotel, bathrooms littered with towels,
Eating in beds, my soul starts to howl.
I breath, I stop, I try to find calm,
Tomorrow will be better, we’ve come to no harm.
For today we just take each hour and each minute,
Living our best and being just in it.
Reminding myself that chaos means life,
Kidding myself it’s normal this strife.
Home schooling will wait, they will all do just fine,
There’s more to this life than fighting each time.
So I start once again, not expecting great things,
Taking small steps, see what difference the day brings.
The smallest of pleasures is now just the aim,
Making boring the normal, treating all like a game.
The game to live in the moment,
Not to plan that far ahead,
Teasing myself to stay out of my bed.
Watch the world through my window, see what others all see,
Find amazement and awe of a bird in a tree,
The freedom he has as he soars through the air,
I dream of that freedom to fly and to dare.
To imagine a life where we travel and mingle,
The theatre, the movies, my heart starts to tingle.
We’ve done so many things that we all took as given,
We saw them as our right, our need, our provision.
Yet none were important as life is enough,
Imposed to slow down, be basic ain’t tough.
I breath, I look, I see through the mess,
I remember I’m present, with all of these tests.
But it’s not so hard the dilemmas now faced,
To cook, to clean or watch telly with cake!
Live for this moment, accept things are just changed,
Not as textured but different, more personal in range.
Speeding past basics, missing mundane,
Racing and chasing it was all such a game.
Accept the new normal, embrace it hold tight,
More about love and less about fight.