Full circle ( first published 11.11.18 )

The nightmare of a 4hour train journey home from London on Tuesday night brought about its benefits… well kind of…

I needed to take a new route for the rest of the week and instead of my usual Bedford to Kings X followed by tube ride to Great Portland Street I relocated to Milton Keynes to Euston followed by a lovely walk down the Euston Road to my place of work on Harley Street.

Skip back nearly 30years ago (oh my goodness) and I was pitching up to Rockefeller Nurses Home, parents crying and me a naive 17 year old all full of excitement at leaving home. The walk back and forth to my digs became routine, at all hours, day and night but now returning it all still feels very familiar. The nurses home is now used for offices and research. We returned a few years ago on a reunion – the bold arch still remains as a reminder too what it's origins were and I can stand outside and see my bedroom window that was home for 3 1/2years. I met lifelong friends, many of whom are still in my life, some sadly who are not, but are still fondly remembered and as I walk past on my route to work now, I can still hear the giggles of mischievous goings on from yesteryear.

When plans started towards the end of our nurse training to close the fantastically magnificent premises of UCH and make way for a newer modernised building there was uproar. This building, was no longer fit for purpose and it was felt would not serve it’s local community as well anymore. There was outrage, but sadly it was true, its Nightingale wards that seemed so overwhelming in 1988, matrons watching every move and ghost stories that would make mincemeat of halloween antics today, needed modernising and the structure as wonderful as it was was outgrown.

It still stands today in all it’s glory as a reminder of what came before. I can remember staying up the night before my first shift, terrified, would I be able to do it? Walking in for the first time and being absolutely gobsmacked at its glory whereas now it looks so small!! Then being held by the hand of the ward sister, like a surrogate parent (not all of them were like that!) she nurtured me and introduced me to a world that I loved from the moment I started and still remain in today, the world of Oncology – it soon became a second home.

I spent more time at the lovely Middlesex Hospital on Mortimer Street, such greatness had taken place there medical firsts, pioneering surgeries and so much more. Again though it was felt no longer required and demolished in the early naughties and is so sad to see nothing left of its greatness other than in the history books and our memories. I look back on my time there with great fondness and continued to work there after qualifying under the care and supervision of Sister Shirley who instilled in me concrete beliefs and ways of working which I still adhere to today. It was was a fantastic foundation and set me off on my path with the right tools to continue my career. Such history there and such a shame nothing remains to celebrate what it gave. I haven’t walked past the site yet as can’t bring myself to do so as would rather remember it as it stood in all its’ old glory, familiar smells ( not all good! ) and secrets kept inside. I may venture down there soon…

My walk to work now takes me down the Euston Road past the “new building” in all its magnificence. It’s an enormous building and although I hate to admit lit ooks very impressive as it sprawls and towers over the area. It definitely serves its purpose now and looks as if it is most definitely meant to be there . Change for the best.. probably.

As I walk past I wonder what our old scary matrons would have to say about it, am sure they would still run the wards and units with the iron fist that they did back in the day but may have struggled with all the sheer monster of it all. However the signage they have on each glass frontage for infection control reminders wouldn’t have been necessary – matron would have had it all under control!

I'm very proud to say that’s where life started as a nurse and although completely unplanned it feels very safe and secure to know I am now back working in the same area.

Full circle it has been, some of the consultants were once young House Officers ( younger nurses raise an eyebrow what is she talking about !!! ) in my UCH/Middlesex days. Some of them I am now working with again and that feels good – am sure they don’t remember me but I remember them. When they are playing the “consultant card” I smile wryly to myself as I recall what they got up to in their junior years, the mistakes they made along the way, the handholding we had to do for them and how we learnt ( some of us! ) together.

Talking to one of my patients yesterday I was telling her of my training and we discussed the differences between then and now. She has experienced healthcare over the past 15 years and seen it from the other side but our observations were mirrored in many ways. I’m glad I went into work that first day, despite being terrified, walking up the steps and introducing myself to people I had never met before. I’m thrilled that I persevered with the exams and course work despite failing miserably on one of my module exams and thinking I’d never do it. I’m grateful for all the amazing people I have met along the way as they have taught me so much – it’s been a rollercoaster and am sure there is a lot more to come.

Uniform has changed, the hair certainly has, I wore my buckle and badge with pride and oh my goodness how many pens could I get in that top pocket!! Fob watch bought as a starting present from my brother and oh so proud and excited. If given the chance I still put my badge on if the uniform allows, to remember where it all started. Culture I feel has definitely changed, yes there were always the fierce ward sisters and charge nurses. Yes there were the gossips and the trouble makers. But I felt, maybe romantically in some ways, that there was a camaraderie that doesn't exist as much now. Perhaps I was just very lucky with the people I worked with and the patients that taught me my lessons. But the lessons those in charge taught me and the ethos they helped me grow still remain today and I try to ensure I pass on to those who want to listen.

This is the key theme that drives my aims with NMCWatch - to try to get peers together and support rather than judge, to gently encourage and constructively discourage, but above all to regain the kindness that often gets lost when life gets busy, stressful or complicated.

I continue to work as an oncology nurse, back to my love of clinical care on a lovely chemotherapy unit.

I have also founded an on line support group for nurses and midwives undergoing Fitness to Practice ( NMCWatch.)

More information can be seen at: www.nmcwatch.co.uk.

Part of the work involves campaigning for fairer regulation – if you would like to find out more and support us – have a look at the online petition here

or email at support@nmcwatch.co.uk

Thanks for reading

If you would like more updates please visit our website www.nmcwatch.co.uk

or

email: support@nmcwatch.co.uk